I’ve had to adjust my routine at my expense obviously to accommodate all the things that need to be done. In the mornings I now spend 5 minutes to do my make up in my car at the train station and have my breakfast at work. It’s that insane. Even at work there is no peace especially since I’m now working part time. I’m doing the work of a full time person I feel in fewer days sometimes. Despite being part time, I get the bulk of the work in my team which is again is insane but I think it’s because I actually want to do work. How are some people just content to do nothing at work? Anyway that’s another blog post. I digress.
When I get home from work it’s a whirl wind of task after task – make dinner, feed child, take out the trash, do dishes, unpack the dish washer, do some laundry, fold clothes, get son’s bath stuff ready, pack his bag for childcare, get his room ready for bed, etc. All this madness til we get to the finish line of my son’s bed time at 7 pm. Even when my husband got home from work at 5:30 pm, my son was constantly wanting attention from me – coming to the kitchen at my feet or holding his arms out as they walked past and crying for his mum when he didn’t get it.
During the night I’m still in the clock. I’m the one to cover him before I go to bed as he kicks off his covers and check the temperature in his room in the middle of the night if I get up to go to the bathroom. I’m the one who gets up if he wakes every single time even if it’s multiple times and and still the show must go on for the next day despite me having barely any continuous sleep. That’s where it’s hard. I know I’m pretty fortunate I know my husband helps a lot and my work is flexible I can work from home when I need to. And on my non work days it is still crazy and I’m flat out all day on days I don’t go to work then too. I take my son to the park in the mornings and the beach or library in the afternoon if the weather allows.And pick up groceries, more housework and cooking. It’s a lot. I’m not saying this to sound like a martyr just to show how shit is real.
People don’t realise how much we do as women especially here. Besides the expense I think it’s another reason it’s hard to have more than two kids in these days.We don’t have much external support. Working, housework cooking cleaning dropping kids off etc we have to do it all. And don’t get me started on when they start school.
Sometimes I found that when my husband was home, I would just go to the kitchen and do dishes. Not because I want to do dishes or that they couldn’t wait but that’s how I get time to myself funny enough. Just 5 -30 minutes to myself where I’m not being drained by anyone else.
I think as women doing it all you need a physical and emotional break from everything including your child in order to keep going; which as an introvert I think I really need even more.
It was hard to explain but I had to tell my husband about this. As the only time I would get any peace was by actually leaving the house or I just wouldn’t get it at all. He would ‘watch our son’ but every five minutes they would come around looking for me. I had to tell him I could not continue to have my son constantly around me or crying when I’m trying to do a million things in the space of 10 minutes.
To get my space sometimes I just need my husband to watch my son properly and actually take charge and take my son away to another room or the other side of the house or go out for a walk or take him to the park and allow me that time and space to do what I need/want to do as the demands are becoming 24/7 and I can not go on like that.
Much as my husband helps a lot and I’m grateful for it all, there are also a a million things that he doesn’t do and he can never manage to do what I can manage to do in that time. And in order to be superwoman mum needs a little space during the day to power up. For instance on the weekends it takes my husband about 30 minutes (or more) just to have breakfast and a shower and that’s it. In the same amount of time I get myself and my son ready – dressed nappy changed, teeth and hair brushed, fed breakfast and bottle, bed made, dishes done plus put a load of laundry on in the washing machine and make a cup of tea.
Don’t ask me how males and females can be so different. I think women are efficient because they have to be. A man will never remember to defrost the chicken in the morning to cook for dinner later that night. I will remember because I’m the one who bloody has to cook it.
I’m glad I did have that conversation though. As last weekend was the first time in a long while that I felt good again. I got time to go to the gym on Saturday morning and go clothes shopping and grocery shopping on my own for a whole 2 hours while my son had a nap at home. And I got to watch one of my TV shows during the afternoon when he was with his dad. I wasn’t dying to watch the show, it was nice to be able to just relax on my own on the weekend. And feel like my space my needs my freedom were also important. And we managed to do this without feeling like I was giving up time with my boys.
I’m realising there is no magic formula. You just communicate your needs. As long as everyone is getting what they need from the relationship then you will all be happy. And I’m realising happiness is not a continuous state. It’s fragments of it throughout your day or week.